Perfection

I am going to keep my comments to a minimum (for once), as I believe that the article below says everything concisely, accurately, and better than I ever could. So here I go:

This article (published in the Deseret News, even) is perfection. More? Sorry, that's it.

Religion in Politics is Getting Tiresome

Mixed Message from the "Kingdom"

We've all heard the news about the Church supporting Salt Lake City's non-discrimination ordinance that would add "sexual orientation" protections to the list of protected statuses in the city's areas of employment and housing...

I don't know about you, but when I hear of news about the Church and its political support of anything, my ears perk up and I frantically search the internet to see if the media have picked it up yet.

I first heard word of the Church's actions from the "8: The Mormon Proposition" group on Facebook; a message was sent out to members of the group telling of how "well-placed people inside the Mormon Church" contacted others who were involved with Reed Cowan's documentary to let them know that the Church planned a statement and that they needed to "Watch what we [the Church] are about to do. You will be pleased."

At that point the media hadn't picked up the story yet, and I began to ponder about whether or not I believed the message sent to me by the "8: The Mormon Proposition" group. Honestly, the thought came into my mind that whoever sent the message was trying to rile people up with a sensationalized message - this person proved me wrong!

How do I feel about it? Honestly, I am confused and don't really know, but I will explain my feelings as best I can.

I am upset that the Church got involved, for several reasons. My primary reason for disagreement is because I don't like it when any Church gets involved in politics - period! Even when the Church and I agree on an issue (such as this ordinance), I don't think it is appropriate or ethical for any religion to get involved in politics. It shouldn't happen unless there is an issue that directly or specifically addresses religion.

I don't like the Church being involved in this specific issue because once it is involved a precedent is set. It is said about Utah politics that, "When the Church says 'jump,' those on Capitol Hill say, 'How high?'" So the legislature will, begrudgingly, refrain from challenging this ordinance. The precedent that is set is that the gay community now becomes dependent on the Church for any legislation that affects our community. One could argue that that's the way it already is, but the Church sends enough mixed messages that this ordinance could very well end up being challenged and revoked, which leads me to...

The way the Church handled its press release was, to me, not good enough. If we look back at Prop. 8 and the way the Church announced its support of that measure, it came in the form of a letter written and signed by the First Presidency that was read in every California ward's sacrament meeting. Compared to that, some "Joe Blo" from PR reading a statement written by the PR department carries little to no weight. He wasn't even an official spokesperson! (Those would be Kim Farrah and Scott Trotter). Admittedly, Prop. 8 and this ordinance bear little resemblance in "weight" themselves, but after the fiasco that was Prop. 8, a letter from the First Presidency read in Salt Lake City's wards should've been the least the Church could do.

The way in which the Church announced its support is the reason why people and groups still disagree with the Church on this ordinance. The Sutherland Institute, which is based on LDS principles, issued a statement disagreeing with the Church. The Utah Eagle Forum, which thinks it's based on LDS principles, also disagrees with the Church's stance on the ordinance. The reason why it's "okay" for them to disagree with the Church, but it wasn't "okay" for people who disagreed with the Church on Prop. 8, was because of the reason stated above: this time the statement didn't come from the First Presidency or the Prophet, it came from "Joe Blo" in PR. (The fact that certain people and groups still choose to disagree with the Church is not evidentiary of their "apostasy" - it is evidentiary of their being homophobic.)

And this is not a mistake. The Church does not issue anything - anything - publicly until it has been reviewed, revised, and "okayed" by the highest leaders of the Church. And since Prop. 8 - hell, since the beginning of friggin' time - the Church has been extremely careful with its PR. No one can convince me that everything about this announcement was not thoroughly thought out, or revised, or considered. I guarantee you that even this PR guy's tie was thought out in detail.

In short, the Church knows that an announcement doesn't carry as much weight when it is not delivered in a Church setting by its highest leaders...

Besides, the fact that the Church came in at the last minute to "save the day" when the city knew the ordinance would already pass is beyond disingenuous. I've heard comments from several people, including some MoHo's, with the general consensus being that, "We must thank the Church for doing this for us." To them I say, "I am not going to thank the Church for this; I am going to thank Salt Lake City and Mayor Ralph Becker for this."

Furthermore, the fact that Reed Cowan's documentary is coming out in the next few months has not gone over the Church's head. And that's what I believe this is all about - the Church having some backup, some "ammo" in its arsenal, to address coming criticism once "8: The Mormon Proposition" is released.

I would say the one reason why I am so confused about the Church's actions is because its statement read that this ordinance provides "common-sense rights that should be available to everyone" when just weeks ago Elder Oaks referred to gay rights as "alleged."

Oaks also said, "Those who seek to change the foundation of marriage should not be allowed to pretend that those who defend the ancient order are trampling on civil rights."

Well, are they "common-sense rights" or "alleged civil rights?" This is one of those Mysteries of the "Kingdom." Can you blame me for being confused?!

One of the reasons the Church supports the ordinance is because it allows for religious freedom and exemption from the ordinance...

Oh, that's nice - especially when the Church owns half of the property in Salt Lake City. The exemption not only protects strictly religious property - such as churches, or temple grounds - but it applies to everything the Church owns. That means that the multi-billion dollar ($1.5 - $8 billion is estimated) City Creek Center being built by the Church, with not only its mall stores (and the stores' employees) but its high-end apartments and condominums, will be exempt from the ordinance. You won't find any dirty gays working for Macy's or Hot Dog On a Stick! Now, I'm not saying that this is inappropriate. In fact, as long as the Church does not accept any federal or state tax monies it is completely appropriate. But I am offended when the Church acts like it is doing us a favor. Please, I'm not a "petulant tween!"

If it's religious exemptions the Church wants, then why did it oppose gay marriage in Maine, which, in its legal form, allowed for religious exemptions? Call me confused... again.

In general, there have been two types of responses from members: those who disagree (like the Sutherland Institute and the Utah Eagle Forum) and those who agree with the Church. Some who agree with the Church are engaging in revisionist history, saying that the Church's position nor doctrine has changed. Huh?! Wha?! The Church itself called the announcement, "an historic statement." If nothing has changed, why is it so historic?

It confuses me when people say, "God is the same yesterday, today, and forever." To them I say: "God may be unchanging, but the Church sure isn't." The mere fact that the Church has made this leap compared to twenty years ago (when people were excommunicated just for having gay feelings) is evidence. If it is okay to support a public policy position such as this today, now, then why wasn't it okay twenty years ago? Why is it okay for a person to have gay feelings today and not be excommunicated when twenty years ago it was different?

Having made all my complaints, and despite all my misgivings and hesitancy to send the Church a "thank you" card, I ultimately feel that if the Church's support helped in any way to save someone's life, then it is worth it.

I just wish I understood more what the Church really feels. I'm getting sick of the mixed messages.

Call me confused. And cautiously optimistic.

Evidence of Hate

The following is an actual text messaging conversation I had with a friend from high school last Saturday, the same night as the Priesthood session of General Conference (I, myself, did not attend). I will not comment much because I think it speaks for itself to the kind inner turmoil LGBT Mormons experience - it's just sad. It also speaks to the hatred of self and others that is taught and communicated in subtle ways in LDS culture.

I will not reference him by name, because I don't believe in "outing" people, even though I am 99.9% positive that no one who reads this even knows who this person is. However, he contacted me in late May/early June of this year to "come out" to me; if I remember correctly, he looked at my Facebook account and saw that I had "come out" and thought I would be a safe resource. I offered to introduce him to the Matis Firesides and other safe "family" functions, and he has yet to take me up on the offer. He also revealed to me an experience he's had with another guy. Recently, he has commented that he is actually bisexual. He is a member of the LDS Church and has communicated to me that he wants to get married to a woman in an LDS temple.

Warning: The conversation we had contains mutliple four-letter words and a gay slur. Also, it is rife with errors, which I will not correct because who ever really texts "properly?"

ME: Did you go to Priesthood session?

SAD FOOL: Sure did! Haha. Didn't pay attention

ME: I am hoping so badly that a softer stance will be taken tomorrow. It just takes one talk

SAD FOOL: Softer stance on? I like Nelson and Holland. I listen to them! One day I want to be Nelson!

ME: On gay issues. Be a heart surgeon?

SAD FOOL: Oh. I don't care about gay issues. Haha. Well a world famous surgeon who helps invent something.

ME: What did he invent? I am actually appalled that you don't care

SAD FOOL: He worked on an artificial heart valve. Yeah, why should I care. I'm not here to get approval from them. If they don't like it they don't like it, that's their right. We have the same rights also so I don't care. [emphasis added]

ME: I agree to an extent. I'm not going to base my happiness on their approval. But I'll be damned if they're going to abuse their authority and take away my rights

SAD FOOL: Ha. They don't have authority to do so!

ME: Well they just did it in California.

SAD FOOL: Are you shitting me?!!? That was not because of the church! It fucking pisses me off when people say the church did that. A. They don't have the power to pass or veto laws and B. The majority of the the population caused it, the lds faith does not make up the majority of California!

ME: With 2% of the population of California being Mormon, you are right... They didn't have the force of votes. But that same 2% raised half of the money. And now they don't want blame. People in the Church have said that without the Mormons it wouldn't've passed. Heck, even the Catholic Church has said that.

SAD FOOL: And because those members did that it is the fault of the general authorities? I don't think so! People are dip shits and only see what they want to see! And just because they raised money doesn't mean that's the reason, they didn't pay anyone off! Why do they want to get married so bad anyhow? Not missing out on anything. That's what I hate most about faggs is they think the world owes them and that they are so picked on. Get over yourself! [emphasis added]

SAD FOOL: [before I could respond to the previous message] Plus whose to say it would have passed? No one knows! It didn't, and now we move on with our life.

ME: The first presidency asked people to donate of their time and means to passing Prop. 8. So yes, I can blame the General Authorities. You don't have to be rude

ME: (before he could respond to my previous message] You don't know what you are talking about. It DID pass. Prop 8 passing basically repealed marriage. It was legal before the election.

SAD FOOL: Well whatever, I don't care, and its old news. You shouldn't either, you don't live there so it doesn't even effect you.

SAD FOOL: [again, before I could respond...] People just want to blame someone so they blame the people that are right, its human nature. If the GA's asked that why didn't I hear about it, never asked me

ME: I will email you a link to the letter that was read aloud during sacrament meetings in California in June of 2008.

SAD FOOL: No thanks.

ME: [his name], can I honestly tell you what I think? I think that you are in such deep denial over having sexual attractions to men. That's why you dance for the MoTab. That's why you defend the Church when it's wrong. Despite the fact that you go to the gym to hook up with guys and get blow jobs. That's why you just called me a fag, because if you can label gays as "them" then you don't have to confront your same-sex attractions. I have been nothing but nice to you, and then you treat me like this tonight? I frankly don't deserve it and don't appreciate it. But I guess I know how you really feel.

SAD FOOL: Haha. And you know me so well and have a Ph.D. so you can say that. But you know what, I don't think anyone is at fault, that's just how the world goes, life isn't fair but that doesn't mean its yours, mine or anyones fault, we just have to move on and get over it. When I used the term fagg I'm refering to the gay people that think they are something special and are always picked on, if that's not you, which I don't think it is, then I'm not talking about you. I dance for the motab because I'm good and I can. There are non members that dance with us! If you think I'm being offensive then that is you're problem not mine. I just say what I think if you disagree so be it, but that's no reason to get offended. That's like me getting offended because someone doesn't like country music and they call me a hick because I do. I don't care, they can listen to whatever they want.

ME: You don't understand. I am calling your bluff. You want to have the best of both worlds. You want a blow job in a gym from a guy but also to get married in the temple and become like Russell M. Nelson! I mean, come on! And then you call gays fags, use the F word and other profanitites. You can't have it both ways, man. It's just not possible.

SAD FOOL: What does Nelson have to do with this? I can say and do whatever I want. It's called free agency, its a god given right.

ME: And I should have the agency to marry whomever I want, as long as he or she is of legal age. Say bye bye to Mr. Six-Pack BJ if you want to go the Church route. That's all I'm saying.

SAD FOOL: For your information I haven't even been to the gym in a month and I've had a bj once! But if you really want to know me, then you need to try harder and not guess at everything I do!

ME: I can only go by what you've told me I think you are taking out your [own] self-loathing on me and i don't appreciate it. It's called projection, you know that term you are a Psych major. I will send you that email.

SAD FOOL: Haha. Not even close! You sure you want to be a psychologist? What year are you in?

ME: You don't care about the Church's stance on gay issues because you don't see yourself as having same sex attractions, though you admit to being bisexual. You just want to "have fun" and then repent later so that you can get married in the temple.

SAD FOOL: No, no, that's not it. I know I have same attractions, and I rarely repent.

ME: Well your repentance is between you and the Lord. And I'm so over it, [his name]. Figure out what you want in life before you go doing whatever it is you do.

SAD FOOL: Haha. People are right, you're really dramatic! I'm not self-loathing, nor projecting. And I know what I want thanks!

ME: Well that's good to know! Thanks!

And that was the end of the conversation. I know I shouldn't have said some of the things that I did, but it freaking pissed me off that someone who experiences same-sex attraction would call others who do as well, "fags." Totally uncalled for, and that's what compelled me to say some of the things I did. Also, I have not sent him the link to the First Presidency letter; I figured I would just move on and not escalate anything further. We probably will not have contact again, although we are still friends on Facebook (as far as I know).

I think the best part about all of this is that, ironically, the headline on the front page of the Deseret Morning News the following Monday read something like, "LDS Urged to Contain Anger." How timely!

What do you think of our conversation?

What I Know For Sure

I haven't blogged in a while because I have felt fairly depressed, more so than I have felt in a long time. I don't think that there is any one reason; rather, I feel that it is a combination of stressors that have been mixed together and baked in the oven too long!

Last Sunday, I was talking with a friend about these feelings and my guesses as to what the "ingredients" were that baked this burnt pan of brownies. He urged me to write down the things about life and the Church that I still agree with, or that I still believe - especially on a personal level, rather than on an "organized" level of faith.

I made a promise to him that I would, and I am someone who likes to keep my promises. So that night at work (having worked the graveyard shift - all alone, I might add... SCARY!) I utilized that opportunity to write down my list. Here it is:

TENETS of MY FAITH:

--- God loves me unconditionally, AND He knows that I'm not perfect - and He's okay with that! So why shouldn't I be okay with that?

--- My personal relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is more important than any one church. I believe He knows that about me.

--- I know that Truth is found in every corner of this world - in its people, its places, its things. Truths can be found in most or all religions as well. There is Truth in the sun rising every single day without fail; there is Truth in a smile from a passerby, which brightens my day; there is Truth in the power of Love. I intend to find those Truths, wherever they may be.

--- Christ is, indeed, the Savior of the World and I owe it to Him to meet Him halfway.

--- Daily conversations with God are up to me, and He always picks up the phone to listen. Prayer is a pillar of my faith.

--- The Constitution is, indeed, a Divinely-inspired document and I consider it scripture.

--- At the end of the day, only Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know my life situation and my heart in its entirety.

Originally, the list above was my goal - to write about what I still believe in. However, my mind started to fill with ideas about THINGS THAT I'VE LEARNED:

--- The Spirit of the Law is more important than the Letter of the Law.

--- Church leaders, even Prophets (by definition, because they are still mortal men) are NOT infallible. They are human.

--- Personal revelation trumps Church doctrine and sometimes the Holy Ghost will communicate things to you that conflict with official Church teachings.

--- Forgiveness of others is more for the benefit of ourselves than it is for others. Heavenly Father does NOT want us to have poison stirring in our hearts.

--- The LDS Church is not what I thought it was; it is also a newspaper, a TV station, a business, and a PAC (Political Action Committee), among other things.

--- Missions are NOT essential for a male to receive Exaltation. (Really, I didn't know that. They do not teach you this.)

--- We are blessed according to obedience to specific laws rather than punished indirectly for an unrelated behavior. For example, I will not get bad grades just because I drank alcohol or viewed pornography; rather, if I study hard and meet Him halfway, despite having drunken alcohol or having viewed pornography, I will be blessed with a decent grade. Any "punishment" from the Lord will be directly related to my infractions.

--- Questioning authority is essential to living a balanced life - even if it turns out you were wrong.

--- Acceptance goes both ways - if we as a community want respect and acceptance from others, especially from the LDS Church and its members, then we need to respect and accept them as well.

--- Things are ultimately more complicated than they ever, ever seem. And, oftentimes, we don't even know the half of it - especially when it comes to spiritual issues.

And last, but not least...

--- Accepting yourself wholly, and unforgivingly, including your past and your weaknesses, is essential for happiness and inner peace.

I still had time on my lunch hour (2-3 a.m., as if that could ever be called "lunch"), so I browsed through an O magazine that was sitting on the table. Indeed, everything at that moment felt right; like I was in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing, as you will see...

I stumbled upon the following article, which I later found out is a regular column by Oprah Winfrey in every issue of her magazine. This issue's (September 2009) was especially pertinent (All copyright to O magazine, emphasis added):

"What I Know For Sure"

"I'm always fascinated by lists of 'Most Powerful People,' and by the ways they use external things - fame, status, wealth - to define and rank power. It's curious how a person can go from the top of a list one year to unlisted the next - all in the blink of a board meeting. Was that person's power real, or was the power only in the position? We often get the two confused.
"For me, there is no real power without spiritual power. A power that comes from the core of who you are and reflects all that you were meant to be. A power that's connected to the source of things. When you see this kind of power shining through someone in all its truth and certainty, it's irresistible, inspiring, elevating. I can feel it in myself sometimes, mostly when I'm sharing an insight that I know will have an impact on someone's life and I can see that they 'get it.' Gary Zukav writes in The Seat of the Soul, 'When we align our thoughts, emotions, and actions with the highest part of ourselves, we are filled with enthusiasm, purpose, and meaning... When the personality comes fully to serve the energy of its soul, that is authentic empowerment.' Fulfilling your purpose, with meaning, is what gives you that electrifying 'juice' and makes people stand in wonder at how you do it.
"The secret is alignment: when you know for sure that you're on course and doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing, fulfilling your soul's intention, your heart's desire, or whatever you choose to call it (they're all the same thing). When your life is on course with its purpose, you are your most powerful. And you may stumble, but you will not fall.
"I know for sure that in every challenging experience there's an opportunity to grow, enhance your life, or learn something invaluable about yourself. Every challenge can make you stronger if you allow it. Strength multiplied = power.
"For real.

"Oprah"

I could not believe what I had just read. It was exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the right time. In fact, this article reminds me of the experience I had the weekend before I came out of the closet.

Furthermore, I saw a chart in a different month's issue of O magazine, and it really struck a chord. I will try to recreate it as best I can (All copyright to O magazine):

FEAR/LOVE

- Always feels bad./Always feels good.
- Motivates grasping./Motivates liberation.
- Seizes control./Relaxes control.
- Insists on certainty./Accepts uncertainty.
- Needs everything./Needs nothing.

The part of this chart that really stood out to me was the couplet on "certainty." When we fear, it happens ahead of time. That is why we try to plan an "escape," an acceptable "alternative" or "response." We must be in control! But when we love, it happens in the moment. We do not fear what is going to happen next because we are enraptured in the moment, comfortable in our environment, and trust that things will work out...

Maybe that's what faith is: a loving trust. When we trust someone, we don't worry that things will fall through or get neglected because we can rely on that one person - and everyone has that one person. His name is Christ. His name knows no organized religion, for He is universal - that's why Truths can be found in every corner of this world. He does not speak through others as much as He speaks to our hearts to tell us that what we are hearing, or seeing, or feeling is true. Aligning ourselves with Christ and accepting His will for our individual selves, whatever it may be, will help us find our purpose and enrich our life experience. Because His name knows no specific religion, we should not feel ashamed; accepting ourselves as gay does not mandate an abandonment of Christ - he would NEVER abandon us. He is universal! I know He accepts me and loves me for what I am - one of His children who happens to be gay. And I am not ashamed.

This I know for sure.

(Mostly) Hidden Gems

Okay, so if you don't know by now that I am a movie buff, then you're probably not annoyed with me! But for those who already know (and even those who are just finding out), I have gathered some movie trailers of some GREAT movies that have (mostly) flown under-the-radar. Some are old, some are new, some are Best Picture Oscar nominees, and some aren't. I know there's a lot of trailers in this post, but feel free to check out only the ones that interest you.

(FYI, most of them are rated R, so if that is a concern for you then I respect that and I am sorry that you can't see them!)

Before I trot out the hidden gems, I am presenting the trailer for one of my all-time favorites: "The First Wives Club." It was well-received commercially in the 90's, so it didn't exactly fly under the radar. But it is FANTASTIC!



Want to see the best trailer ever? Yes - EVER. It's "Sunshine," a film about a space crew in the future who try to "reignite" the sun with a nuclear weapon. This movie is the most visually-striking movie I've ever seen.



"Breach" is a film that should've received more attention, especially because it is a true story of the biggest breach of security in U.S. history by a Russian spy who finnagled his way into working for the CIA.



The following is a clip from one of my favorite films - "Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?" It stars a freaky-looking, psychopathic Bette Davis (my favorite actress) and Joan Crawford, who are both gay icons - so you know it'll be good! It details the story of how Blanche (Crawford), who is stuck in a wheel chair, is psychologically and physically tortured by her sister (Davis). And because the stars were despised each other in real life, it makes watching them annoy the crap out of each other all the more entertaining.



"Michael Clayton," was nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars a few years ago. This scene will reel you in hook, line, and sinker. The film is about a lawyer who takes over a defense case in which he finds that his clients are not really all that guilty. (I'm thinking Alan might like this one...)



Kate Winslet deserved her Oscar for this film, about two parents who meet at a park and carry on an affair that has tragic results. It's called, "Little Children."



Probably one of the best films ever, and one of my favorites, is "There Will Be Blood." It competed with "Michael Clayton" for Best Picture, but they both lost out to, "No Country For Old Men." It is about 2 1/2 hours but it flies by because you are so engrossed in Daniel Day-Lewis' performance as a ruthless oil tycoon, for which he won a Best Actor Oscar a few years ago. It is based on Upton Sinclair's novel, "Oil!"



Last, but not least, is a freaking trippy film made the year I was born called, "Jacob's Ladder." The ending is awesome and "twisty," and the whole time you are trying to figure out what's happening to this Vietnam War veteran who starts having hallucinations.

"I just want to make you into a decent human being."

Someone said the above sentence to me just minutes ago. I couldn't believe that the words actually came out of "Josh's" mouth. I mean, I thought we were beyond this. It came in the midst of an argument over my "immaturity" of submitting a letter to the public forum of the Deseret News which (gasp!) was actually published - on a Sunday, which means that everyone and their dog saw it if they read the Opinion section. I've sent two letters before to the same newspaper within the last two years, and both were published - the last one also on a Sunday. But I guess that this one hit a nerve. Here is the (unedited) text of my letter, which was edited for length (I'm assuming). The boldened parts of the letter were not in the newspaper:

"I couldn't help but write in response to Tonia Freeman Doussett's letter ("Advocate's Hypocrisy"). She outlines the idea that the "kiss-in" at Main Street Plaza was a hypocritical, defiant attack aimed at the LDS Church. Here's how I see it: LDS Church spokeswoman Kim Farah released a statement saying that the two men had been "asked to stop engaging in inappropriate behavior just as any other couple would have been." That is misleading, at best - wedding pictures are taken on the Plaza all the time. Ironically, the LDS Church is ever-so-willing to be the unsolicited, self-proclaimed 'moral' police regarding a kiss on the cheek while at the same time turning a blind eye towards its thousands of members who are living in this country illegally, even going as far as sending some of these people on missions. Clearly, a kiss on the cheek from one male to another is what this is really all about. Trespassing, anyone?"

Now, of course the letter is provocative and somewhat contentious. By definition, this incident is provocative and contentious - how could my letter not be? I was trying to point out a glaring inconsistency, after all. I had read several letters and opinion pieces on the incident and no one had pointed out that illegal immigrants who live in the U.S. and who are also Church members are, in fact, "trespassing" on U.S. soil - but the Church has urged compassion on these people (and sends them on missions if they so choose, in addition to considering them Temple-worthy). I even read the police report when it became available (and the security guards made no mention of "groping" as the Church statements have). Even the Deseret News, in an article today, said that, "A police report said they sat down for a kiss and were approached by a pair of church security guards, who asked them to leave because their behavior was 'unwanted.'" (Emphasis added.) Because nobody else had made the point that I saw as most important, I felt the urge to write the letter myself as clearly as I could.

"Josh" was offended by my letter because "[I] attacked something very important to [him]." In response, I said, "Well, I feel hurt when my Church would arrest someone like me because of simple and affectionate homosexual behavior." "Josh's" response, "Oh, come on Drew! They were drunk! I see drunk people arrested all the time. If you want to be proud of that behavior then that's your choice."

When I accused "Josh" of being too worried about his image, and that being the reason why he was so upset, he said, "Drew, I just want to make you into a decent (code: good) human being." He also accused me of "hating" him.

I don't hate him. It hurts me to hear that he thinks I do. I love him and I know that he loves me. But I feel like I should have the right to write a letter to the local newspaper if I want to. If it hurts him that I wrote a letter that criticized his Church's property policy, then I understand that and I am sorry that he is hurt by it. But, like I said above, I am hurt when my Church would treat two men this way and then deny being homophobic, and even going as far as to say that a straight couple exhibiting the same behaviors on Church property would have been addressed in a similar manner. Puuuulease!

Furthermore, "Josh" echoed the "you're either with us or you're against us" attitude. I told him flat out that that attitude, when applied to anything, is a fallacy. To put your loyalty to the group, whether it be political, religious, or otherwise, is a trap that too many people fall into. I elaborated on why I thought this was wrong - and that's because without criticism then there is no vector for change, no drive for improvement, no way to become better. And the response from "Josh": "You are going to change the Church?!"

To clarify, I personally see a difference between "the Church" and "the Gospel" because THEY ARE DIFFERENT. Case in point, the Gospel is perfect, but the Church is not. The Church is led by mortal men and, try as we might, we can never perfect the Church while we, as fallen beings, are carrying out perfect revelation. It just can't happen: while the revelation we receive can be perfect or ideal, we may not carry it out in the same exact way that was intended - and that's okay. To accept the fact that we are not perfect and never will be so long as we have yet to experience death is a freeing action that we can choose to implement in our lives. Jesus Christ is the only person in the Earth's history to have been perfect while having a mortal body. To say that we can be perfected while still in our fallen state is to indirectly deny the great miracle and gift that Christ was.

I tried to explain this to "Josh", but he still thought that I was coming out in "open rebellion" to Church leaders. I told him that I assumed he was calling me an Apostate, but he denied it. I think that questioning, or even criticizing, Church property policies are not subject to being labeled as being in "open rebellion." Call me crazy, but agreeing with Church property policies is not a requisite for Baptism, Resurrection, or Exaltation. I don't believe that I have to agree with them for God to be pleased with me or even to love me. He loves me now, He has always loved me, and He will continue to love me for the rest of my life despite the opinions I hold or the actions I take because His love is unconditional. Furthermore, I don't believe that being a Mormon is a requisite for being a decent person. I refuse that notion at any and all levels.

So, at this time, I am choosing to agree-to-disagree: he may think I'm not a decent person, but I think I am. And although his choice of words hurts me, I think he's a decent, although different, person as well.

"...love you like a cold sore."

As I've already pointed out, I LOVE "Will & Grace." It is my favorite TV show of all time, and I own all eight seasons of it on DVD. In fact, in the past when I have been depressive for various reasons (including SSA issues), I have simply turned on "Will & Grace" to elevate my mood. In short, this show has been a blessing in my life. Recently, I have undertaken the task to watch the entire series - one episode at a time. And while I have been doing this, I have been jotting down my favorite quotes from my favorite character: Karen Walker (played by Megan Mullally). I have just finished season two and want to share several of my favorite quotes of her's on here for your enjoyment (audio links are provided for some):

Season 1

"Grace, I may never have had a special relationship with a man, but I have been married twice."

"Come on! Look, I'm serious. The thing is: I'm starting to feel as if I don't own my own husband anymore."

"Honey, we talked about this blouse."

"Grace, the bitch we hate is on line one."

"Oh, and honey, did you really think you could get into Heaven wearing body glitter? Well you can't!"

"Honey, you still test-driving those anti-depressants? 'Cause I think it's time to buy."

"I can't have a kid right now; we just re-carpeted!"

"Rosario, yeah... hi, honey. Listen, I'm gonna need you to make one of your seven-layer cakes for tomorrow. And keep an eye on the kids - the fat one's gonna go right for the bowl."

"...if I hadn't deadened my frown lines with Botox you'd be able to read my empathy."

"As Gandhi once said: 'You're only as strong as your weakest servant.'"

"Stan had to take his kids to Scarsdale to see their real mother. What was her name? Wait a minute, it'll come to me. 'Stan, take the kids to see that bitch... Kathy! Kathy!'"

"Honey, you know, whenever I get stressed out I always like to... Gosh, I don't think I've ever been stressed out! I mean, why would I be? I've got practically no responsibilities, my job's a breeze, and I've got a killer rack! Good morning!"

"Oh, the oldest story in the world, honey. Boy meets girl; boy meets new girl; boy dips girl; boy sleeps with boys... Wait a minute, maybe that's not the oldest story."

"...Stan's going hot-air ballooning and I wanted to review my pre-nup."

"No, I will not lower my voice! You're my husband; who the hell else am I gonna yell at?!"

"My shrink? Honey, I only go to him for refills."

"Hey! Come on boys, what's the hold-up? I only get four hours for lunch!"

"Oh yeah, he's fine. Javier, the bus boy, gave him the Heimlich. Gosh, I should probably get him something as a 'thank-you' - maybe the rest of his family from Cuba!"

"...Let me just boil all this hoo-ha down to two important points, okay? One - brown is over. And two - you need to get a life. Alright, honey, you're done."

And my favorite from Season 1:

"Thank you all for coming. I know my husband Stan would've loved to have been here tonight, but, regrettably, could not attend as he is at home watching the Knicks game."

Season 2

"Grace, you're stuck in a box getting rid of ass-plaque. Take it as a sign. This evening is a bust."

"Okay, and let me guess: was her nickname um... "Slutty Big-Boobs"?

"Just a maid?! That's like saying that 'Pradas are just shoes,' or 'Vodka is just a morning beverage.'"

"You're just lucky I let my kids take the pepper spray to school for show-and-tell."

"If you expect me to shop out of a bin with a bunch of mall-walking blue hairs in "I Love Grandma" t-shirts you've got another thing comin'!"

"Yeah? Well [age] has whacked you in the face with a shovel and left you for dead. You look like hell!"

"Honey, I think you're missing the silver-lining here. When you're old and in diapers, a gay son will know how to keep you away from chiffon and backlighting."

"You called me down to this God-forsaken place to tell me my kids made the Honor Roll?! Honey, my time is precious. Call me when one of 'em gives birth at the prom!"

"Are you workin' me Wilma?!"

"Okay... first of all, the shoes go back on the Mayflower."

"Excuse me! Mink trumps felt, okay?"

"Yeah, I had a private detective do a little snooping around. He was getting bored following Stan back-and-forth to Krispy Kreme anyway."

"Oh, Stanley! You know I don't find that funny! Now get me another towel and put it on the real towel rack."

"Oh, hi pharmacist. No, honey, I don't need anything for the weekend - unless the FDA's approved something new. Oh terrif, send me a bottle! Oh, actually, make it two; yeah, we're taking family portraits this weekend."

"Honey, don't start with that or I'm gonna go after those pants."

"Listen: I know that you're still mad at me about what happened with Josh. But when you think about it really, honey, shouldn't you be mad at yourself for taking advice from somebody who was probably half-in-the-bag at the time?"

"I'm going to decorate Michael's place. I mean, he's gay, how hard could it be?! Chrome, black leather, a shower for six, done!"

"Oh, Grace, my head is spinning and not in a good way."

"Drop those pies boy, you know the rule... when we can see your neck you can have dessert. Rosario, hug the girl. The school said she needs affection."

"Give it to me straight, Doc. Am I looking at a future filled with loneliness and better days, or is Stan gonna die?"

"Oh, Grace, as long as we're being all warm and fuzzy here: you know how I always get on your case about the way you dress and the way you do your hair? Well, really... when are you gonna do something about it?"

"...would you look at these people? Why anybody would choose to be homeless is beyond me."

"Maybe it's like it says in the Bible: 'I felt bad because I had no shoes, but then I met someone who had really bad shoes.'"

"Honey, this is a cult! Yeah, like the Moonies or the homeless. Yes, they're trying to make gay people straight. Don't they know what that'll do to the fall line?!"

"I wonder if Stan's exhausted himself on the body pillow yet..."

"Hey, hey, hey, come on, this is serious! If you can't teach me how to cook, I have to have sex with my husband."

"...one woman's sexual harassment is another woman's night off."

"Honey, I'd suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick."

"...honey, love you like a cold sore."

"And where do you get off asking me for 500k? Do you know how many times I had to, 'Oh! Oh! Oh! Stan! Oh! Ah!' to get that?!"

...More to come after I finish watching seasons three and four!

"Secret" Powers

I have to "come out" again for the third time. Okay, not really, but I have to tell everyone that I believe in "The Secret." I've described my experiences with it before, but I've again recently felt its simple power in my life and want to share it with you so that you can use its power in your life, too.

Back in April, I applied for a position at Logan Regional Hospital that I just knew that I would be offered. It didn't end up happening, and it was my third interview at that hospital in the O.R. I was disappointed but I knew the the Lord had a plan for me. After moving home I applied for several more jobs through Intermountain Health Care (IHC). Nothing seemed to come to fruition from it all and I began to become discouraged. However, a slew of positions opened up at around the same time late last month and I applied for the ones that were within my scope-of-practice.

Now, I don't know exactly when I started implementing "The Secret" in this situation, but I will describe the process. One day, without any prior thought, I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down the six jobs that I wanted the most (that I had already applied for) in random order:

"Surgical Tech - PCMC"
"CP Tech - Alta View / Nights"
"CP Tech - LDS Hospital"
"PSR - WJ Clinic"
"Peds Tech - PCMC SDS"
"CP Tech - PCMC"

And below that, I wrote the following paragraph about the one job I wanted the most:

"I finally got a job at Alta View Hospital. I work graveyards in Central Processing. It pays well and I LOVE the hours! I am so glad this one is mine! Thank you, Heavenly Father. I am blessed & loved.

Drew Stelter, CST"

Now, almost every day following that I retraced the paragraph with a different stylus: the first time I wrote it in pencil; the next time in black pen; the next time in blue pen; the next time in an orange highlighter, etc... I did this to remind myself each and every day that I had nothing to worry about - that I would get a job and that He would provide for me. I expressed my gratitude during prayers not that I had a job or would get this specific job, but that I felt loved, cared for, and provided for. I knew that a job would come.

A while went by (at least 10 days) and I had received no contact from any hospital about interviewing. I did receive one or two "thanks, but no thanks" emails, however.

Then, one day, I had to travel to the Tech Center to drop off a form for Greg (my Surgical Tech instuctor) to fill out. He used to work at Alta View full-time and then left to start teaching; he still works in the O.R. and in C.P. as a PRN during the summer months. Anway, I dropped off my form and he said, "John called me." I asked, "Who's John?" It turns out that "John" was John Palmer, hiring manager in the C.P. department at Alta View. Greg had said to John, "You would be absolutely crazy not to hire Drew." In fact, John had called Greg with three names - all names of former students of Greg's. And Greg told him to hire me! This pumped me up and I was just waiting for that phone call.

The next week I got the phone call and scheduled an interview for the CP Tech position at Alta View. I finally felt like things were going my way! The very next day, HR called again and wanted to schedule an interview for the CP Tech position at LDS Hospital. I scheduled it - at this point, why would I turn down an interview?!

The night before my interview at Alta View, I took that piece of paper and retraced the paragraph in permanent marker. I did this on purpose - a symbolic act of "sealing the deal" or making it permanent. I said a prayer and went to bed.



At the interview the next day, six candidates had been invited so as to interview all at once and then individually. I was the last to interview individually, and right before I went in to interview I wrote the paragraph once more in the notebook I was carrying.

The interview at LDS Hospital went very much the same way. I did not rewrite the paragraph this time. Oddly enough, I felt as though I was wasting my time there - I just knew I was going to get the Alta View position. But then Anjellah arrived and waited in the hall for John Hancock to come (Anjellah was who I deemed my competition at the Alta View interview and John Hancock was the HR recruiter at both interviews). I overheard Anjellah telling John that she had accepted another position and would not interview for the LDS Hospital position. Oh CRAP! went through my mind at that point - she had gotten the Alta View position! I stepped up my game and thought that I gave a better interview the second time around.

Yesterday, John Hancock called and offered me the Alta View position as a CP Tech. I immediately accepted! Today I went to fill out all my papers to prove that I am not an illegal immigrant and do not have TB! Haha!

It is important to point out that I had the distinct feeling during one of my prayers that I would have to make a choice. I assumed that this choice would be between the jobs at Alta View and LDS Hospital. I also thought that this choice might be between the CP Tech position at Alta View and the Surgical Tech position at PCMC. It turned out to be the latter. It is ironic because I have been trying to get a job at PCMC for six months. I thought it would be fairly easy because I performed a rotation there, but it has been extremely difficult. Today, though, PCMC called and wanted to set up an interview for tomorrow for their Surgical Tech position! I declined - even though it pays $3.32 more per hour than the position I accepted at Alta View. The Lord works in mysterious ways, doesn't He? I'm disappointed that the timing was off, but I felt that I should be grateful for what I have already received - only then can I let new blessings come into my life. Plus, I like the hours better - I don't want to have to wake up at 5:30 every morning! Haha!

That, ladies and gentleman, is the most important part of "The Secret" (the two-minute segment starting at 9:15 is especially pertinent) - allowing new things to come into your life by being grateful for what you already have.

"Because you scare me..."

I went to SLC Pride this weekend - a little rainy, but I've interpreted it as "braving the storm." For, in fact, isn't that what we've all done? We should be proud of ourselves for doing that.

However, I faced a storm when I got home. You see, I had explained to my mom well ahead of time that I was going to the Pride Festival (as I had done the year before), but I did not explain this to my dad for two reasons. I figured that he would know I was gone but not know where I was going (as usual - which is TOTALLY fine), and I also figured that he would get angry and perhaps not let me go. So I figured that I would have to confront him with the truth when I got home. I didn't want to, but I knew it would be a possibility.

When I returned home, the only person there was my older brother who was napping in the basement. So I went to my room and straightened it up and started to watch TV. When my dad got home, he came up to my room and talked with me. Our conversation, recreated to the best of my memory and ability:

"Where were you?"

"I was hanging out with friends."

"Who? What were you doing?"

"You don't know them. We chilled, watched a movie, went out to eat. [All true - but with different groups of people.]

"Oh okay... Well I know you were at this Pride thing they've got going on downtown."

"How did you know I was there?"

"Drew, don't you think I would know? Sure, I know! Why wouldn't I know where you were?"

"Did mom tell you?"

"No, she didn't tell me. I just knew. [pause] So these 'people' you were with - I assume they struggle with the same thing? Are these the people from that thing in Lehi?" [I still don't know how he knew. I don't believe that my mom told him.]

"Yeah, they are the ones from Lehi."

"Um... It really disappoints me that you went to that thing [Pride]. It completely goes against everything that I've taught you."

"You haven't even been to it before."

"That doesn't mean that I don't have an idea of what it's about."

"Oh, so you're passing judgment on something and, by default, onto me, that you only have an 'idea' about? That's not fair. That doesn't make sense to me."

"I'm not passing judgment, Drew. I'm just trying to help you. Look - there is one view on homosexuality as far as the world is concerned, and that view is put on for show at these things."

"Oh, really?! What is this 'one view'?"

"The world doesn't separate the feelings from the behavior. They think that it's one way or the other; that if you have these feelings then you must act upon them."

"So? Just because you disagree with them doesn't mean that there's only one view."

"Well, yeah there is but not according to the world. The only time I have seen a positive view put forward and encouraged was that one guy who wrote that book [Ty Mansfield, co-author of In Quiet Desperation]. What's his name? [I didn't tell him his name.] Well, anyway, that is the only example I can think of where gay people are encouraged to obey the commandments, stay celibate, etc... And that is sad. It's a total shame."

[I should've said something snarky like, "Well I think it's sad that half of all of Utah's homeless teens identify as LGBT and have been kicked out of their homes," but I didn't.] "Well it's the Church's own fault. It's published by the Church [vicariously] and is sold in Deseret Book [a church-owned store]. You can't put that onto anyone else. The Church publishes it but doesn't let people know that they sell it. I have to find out from another gay person, who found out from another gay person, etc... You remember the pamphlet, God Loveth His Children? Well the only advertising the Church did [that I saw] was in the Deseret News. Bishop ______ didn't even know about it - I had to tell him when I went to talk with him once. You would think that the Church would make a huge announcement about new literature it produces, especially about something as important as this. How would Bishop ______ not know about it? You would think they would make it known to their leadership if they produced something like that."

"I just don't think the world is ready for it yet. One day all of this will seem trivial because it will become a non-issue. But it hasn't happened yet."

"Dad, things are changing, and I want to be a part of it. It's a process; it doesn't just happen overnight. I'm not going to put my life on hold because the world's not ready for it yet."

[long pause]

"You know, Drew? This whole 'ASS' thing is taking its toll on me. It really is." [I'm not joking, either. He really said this.]

"'ASS' thing? 'SSA', you mean?" [laughing and rolling my eyes]

"Yeah, sorry: SSA. It just takes its toll, you know?"

"Uh, yeah... I know."

"And it really just upsets me when you wear your ring." [My ring is silver with a flat top, in which six small fake stones, each one a different color rainbow, are set.]

"Why?!"

"Because I don't think that it represents what you think it represents."

"Well what do you think it represents? What do you think when you see it?"

"I think it sends the message, 'Hey! Come have a good time! Yeah, come on over. Let's hook up and have a good time. I'm looking for somethin'.'"

"Well that's not what it means."

"Well that's what I'm saying - that you are sending the wrong message by wearing it. And I don't like you to wear it because I think that people who don't know you well enough will think that about you when it's not true."

"Well that's their problem, not mine."

"I just think that it does you a disservice. [long pause] Yeah, Drew, it just really shreds my heart when I see you wearing that ring. It really does. [short pause] It's like you're shoving it in people's faces!"

"What?! That doesnt' even make sense, Dad. You wear a wedding ring - does that mean that you're shoving your marriage down in people's faces? At work? At the gym? In Church?" [When I was talking with Scott earlier today, he made a comparison to a "CTR" ring that I could've used in my argument.]

"I just don't like it. In all my life, I have never seen another person wear a ring like that - not once. And yet you feel as if you must wear it. I don't understand that."

"Well you obviously don't know a lot of gay people then."

"Oh, that's bologna! You don't think I've seen gay people downtown? None of them feel like they need to wear a ring."

"Well I do. Besides, it's a ring - you don't just walk up to someone and check to see if they are wearing a ring. That's ridiculous."

"Well, no, but rings are noticeable. And yours would stick out like a sore thumb!"

[long pause]

"Dad, I would be willing to not wear my ring during a specific time, day, or place just for you. Do you want me to do that?

"No. Drew, I love you and I hope you know that. I worry about your safety. I just don't want you coming home one day beat up."

"I know. Love you, too."

[He comes over to the bed, where I am sitting, and gives me a hug. About five minutes later I walk down the stairs and he is smiling and getting ready to go to the family party at my relatives' house. My mom and sister are in the kitchen just around the corner.]

"Thanks for talking with me. I guess we just don't have very good communication. I want to have that communication with you. How come you tell mom things and not me sometimes?"

"Because you scare me..."

Famous Gays & Lesbians...

Just for fun, I searched the web for famous gays and I found out how little I actually knew regarding this topic; there are thousands! (Of course, those thousands include lesbians and bisexuals from all over the world.)

The site with the most complete list was, surprisingly, Wikipedia. People bag on Wikipedia all the time because it's "not reliable," but it has routinely been reliable for me in the past. Heck, fairly soon after the (latest) Chris Buttars "brouhaha" a few months ago Wikipedia had already added the information to his page and cited it to KTVX-4 (ABC 4, which broke the story). Hence, I say that Wikipedia is reliable, and this is my blog, so that's how it goes.

I have gone through Wikipedia's lists and consolidated the celebrities that I know. If you know of any that I have missed or any that may simply not be a celebrity to me (and hence I don't recognize and list them), please let me know and I'll add them. Let's have fun with this!

P.S. I am a cinephile (AKA "movie buff"). You may not know everyone on my lists - this is why I have provided links (and why this post took so long to write)!

Film Directors:

Pedro Almodovar (OSCAR; "Volver" & "All About My Mother")
Alejandro Amenabar ("The Others" & "The Sea Inside")
Clive Barker ("Hellraiser" series)
George Cukor (OSCAR; "My Fair Lady" & "The Philadelphia Story")
Stephen Daldry
Roland Emmerich
James Ivory ("The Remains of the Day" & "Howard's End"; Merchant-Ivory films)
Rob Marshall
John Cameron Mitchell ("Hedwig & the Angry Inch")
Victor Salva ("Jeepers Creepers")
John Schlesinger (OSCAR; "Midnight Cowboy")
Adam Shankman ("Hairspray" & "A Walk to Remember")
Bryan Singer
Gus Van Sant

Film Actors & Actresses:

Drew Barrymore
Marlon Brando (2 OSCARS)
Richard Chamberlain ("The Towering Inferno")
Montgomery Clift ("From Here to Eternity")
Alan Cumming
James Dean
Marlene Dietrich ("Morocco")
Divine ("Hairspray")
Rupert Everett
Harvey Fierstein ("Independence Day", "Mrs. Doubtfire")
Jodie Foster (2 OSCARS)
Stephen Fry ("Gosford Park")
Greta Garbo ("Grand Hotel")
John Gielgud (OSCAR; "Elizabeth", "Arthur")
Alec Guinness (OSCAR)
Nigel Hawthorne ("Amistad")
Anne Heche
Rock Hudson ("Giant")
Tab Hunter ("Damn Yankees")
Derek Jacobi ("Gladiator")
Michael Jeter ("Jurassic Park III")
Angelina Jolie (OSCAR)
Cherry Jones ("Signs"; originated the Sister Aloysius role in "Doubt" on stage)
Nathan Lane
Bai Ling ("Anna and the King")
Lindsay Lohan
Kristanna Loken ("Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines")
Jane Lynch
Miriam Margolyes ("Harry Potter" films)
Heather Matarazzo ("Saved!", "The Princess Diaries")
Kelly McGillis
Ian McKellen
Sal Mineo ("Rebel Without a Cause")
Kathy Najimy
Laurence Olivier
Anthony Perkins
Tony Richardson (2 OSCARS; father to Natasha & Joely Richardson)
Scott Rudin (OSCAR; producer: "Doubt", "There Will Be Blood")
Glenn Shadix ("Beetlejuice")
Fiona Shaw ("Harry Potter" films)
Lily Tomlin
Clifton Webb ("Titanic (1953)")
Paul Winfield ("Sounder")

TV Actors & Actresses:

Jillian Barberie (host of "EX-treme Dating")
Saffron Burrows ("Boston Legal")
Portia de Rossi
Andy Dick
Sara Gilbert ("Roseanne")
Tim Gunn
Neil Patrick Harris
Richard Hatch
Edward Hibbert ("Frasier")
Leslie Jordan ("Will & Grace")
T.R. Knight
Reichen Lehmkuhl (winner of "The Amazing Race" & Lance Bass' ex-boyfriend)
Harvey Levin (host of "TMZ")
Rachel Maddow
Megan Mullally
Max Mutchnick (producer of "Will & Grace")
Cynthia Nixon
Graham Norton (host of "The Graham Norton Show")
Rosie O'Donnell
Suze Orman
Sarah Paulson ("Studio 60 On the Sunset Strip")
David Hyde Pierce ("Frasier")
Robert Reed ("The Brady Bunch")
Charles Nelson Reilly (panelist on "Match Game")
Cesar Romero (Joker on TV's "Batman")
Adamo Ruggiero ("Degrassi")
Dick Sargent ("Bewitched")
Darren Star (creator of "Sex and the City")
George Takei ("Star Trek")
Jackie Warner ("Work Out")
B.D. Wong ("Law and Order: SVU")

Music:

Clay Aiken
Billy Joe Armstrong (of "Green Day")
Lance Bass
Melissa Etheridge
Boy George
Elton John
Janis Joplin
Liberace
Johnny Mathis
George Michael
Sinead O'Connor
Tegan & Sara
Carly Simon
Rufus Wainwright
Pete Wentz (of "Fall Out Boy")

Comedians:

Ant
Mario Cantone
Margaret Cho
Ellen DeGeneres
Wanda Sykes
Bruce Vilanch

Historical Figures:

Alexander the Great (profiled in the film "Alexander")
Cyrano de Bergerac (profiled in several works)
Caligula (Roman Emperor)
Edward II (King of England)
Hadrian (Roman Emperor)
Leonardo da Vinci (profiled in several works)
Michelangelo (profiled in the film "The Agony and the Ecstasy")
Marquis de Sade (profiled in the film "Quills")
Sappho (Greek poet in the B.C. era)

Authors:

Horatio Alger, Jr.
Michael Ausiello (columnist for "Entertainment Weekly")
James Baldwin
William S. Burroughs (profiled in the film "Running With Scissors", which he wrote)
Lord Byron
Truman Capote (profiled in the film "Capote")
John Cheever
Patricia Cornwell
Michael Cunningham
Ralph Waldo Emerson
E.M. Forster
Allen Ginsberg
Dorien Grey (a pseudonym for Roger Margason)
James Howe ("Bunnicula" series)
Langston Hughes
Chuck Palahniuk ("Fight Club")
David Sedaris ("Me Talk Pretty One Day")
Gertrude Stein
T.H. White ("The Once and Future King" - OMGosh, my favorite book!)
Walt Whitman
Oscar Wilde (profiled in several works)
Virginia Woolf (profiled in the film "The Hours")

Politicians:

Barney Frank (D-Massachusetts)
Harvey Milk (profiled in the movie "Milk")
Gore Vidal

Composers:

Peter Allen ("Arthur's Theme"; divorced from Liza Minnelli)
Howard Ashman ("Aladdin", "The Little Mermaid")
Cole Porter (profiled in the film "De-Lovely")
Marc Shaiman ("Prop 8 - The Musical", "Hairspray (2007)")
Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky

Infamous:

Michael Alig (NYC club promoter & convicted murderer; profiled in the film "Party Monster")
Peter Bacanovic (Martha Stewart's stockbroker)
Joan Crawford (OSCAR; film actress)
Jeffrey Dahmer (serial killer)
Mark Foley (former R-Florida)
Annie Leibovitz (famous controversial photographer; took Miley Cyrus' virtue away)
James "Jim" McGreevey (former Governor of New Jersey; appeared on Oprah after gay affair)
Joel Schumacher (director; "Batman & Robin")
Matthew Shepard (murder victim; profiled in the mini-series "The Matthew Shepard Story")
Aileen Wuornos (serial killer; profiled in the film "Monster")

Fashion Designers:
Christian Dior
Marc Jacobs
Michael Kors
Isaac Mizrahi
Yves Saint-Laurent
Christian Siriano (winner of "Project Runway")
Gianni Versace

...and every other male fashion designer out there! JK JK

Screenwriters (Film & Television):

Alan Ball (OSCAR; "American Beauty", "Six Feet Under")
Greg Berlanti ("Brothers & Sisters")
Dustin Lance Black (OSCAR; "Milk", "Big Love")
Marc Cherry ("Desperate Housewives")
Bill Condon (OSCAR; "Dreamgirls", "Chicago")
Michael Patrick King ("Sex and the City")
Tony Kushner ("Munich", "Angels in America")
Don Mancini ("Child's Play"/"Chucky" movies)
Ryan Murphy ("Nip/Tuck")
John Waters ("Hairspray")
Kevin Williamson ("Scream")

Athletes (wait - there are gay athletes?!):

John Amaechi (former Utah Jazz player)
Rudy Galindo (championship figure skater)
Orlando Jordan (WWE wrestler)
Billie Jean King (tennis player; faced Bobby Riggs in the famous Battle of the Sexes match)
Greg Louganis (diver and Olympic-winner)
Martina Navratilova (tennis player)
Sheryl Swoopes (WNBA star)

Others:

Josephine Baker
Bruce Bastian
Nate Berkus (Oprah's go-to interior designer)
Chastity Bono (Cher's daughter)
Mary Cheney
Janice Dickinson (former model)
David Geffen (recording executive)
Sam Garrison (one of Nixon's many lawyers for his impeachment trial)
Kitty Genovese (crime victim; a crime studied by social psychologists, by the way...)
Steve Hildebrand (Obama's Deputy National Campaign Director)
Perez Hilton
James St. James (NYC "Club Kid")
Frida Kahlo (artist; profiled in the film "Frida")
Alfred Kinsey (biologist and sexuality researcher; profiled in the film "Kinsey")
David LaChapelle (media director; see his U.K. "Lost" commercial)
Bishop Gene Robinson (first openly-gay Episcopalian Bishop)
Samantha Ronson (Lindsay Lohan's ex-girlfriend)
Anna-Nicole Smith (model)
Andy Warhol (artist)

So... basically, without all these people, the entertainment industry wouldn't exist. Wel, it would exist but it would suck really, really badly!

Metacontingencies: Giving Them a Reason

As I was studying for my Behavior Analysis final tonight, I read some interesting material that gave me some insight as to why society, in general, has a hard time changing its customary traditions and accepting gay marriage. It all has to do with metacontingencies.

Before I go any further, I want to cite the textbook from which I am borrowing information:

Pierce, W. D., & Cheney, C. (2008) Behavior Analysis and Learning. Great Britain: Psychology Press.

In addition, I will provided in-text notations regarding the page numbers on which I found the information.

First, in order to understand what a metacontingency is, one must understand what a contingency is in regards to the study of behavior. A contingency "defines the relationship between the [environment], the operant [a willful behavior], and the consequences that follow the behavior" (344). So, in other words, an environment or situation sets the occasion for a behavior to be willed, with positive or negative consequences following. These consequences influence whether the individual will emit (will) the particular behavior in the future.

Does that make sense?

So, a metacontingency describes "the contingent relations among cultural practices and the effects of those practices for the group" (354). Therefore, a metacontingency describes a contingency of behavior on a cultural level rather than on an individual level (which a contingency describes).

A further example, as provided by the text:

"A culture is said to be evolved when the community adopts these innovations. Adoption of innovations depends on the metacontingencies facing the group. For example, a new food crop with higher yield is selected when the metacontingencies favor increased grain production. This could occur when a community is impoverished or when higher yielding crops support the feeding of domestic animals used for work or consumption. Higher yield crops may not be selected when food is overly abundant, when increased grain supply leads to problems of storage, or when a new crop attracts pests that spread disease" (337).

In other words, our behavior as individuals, families, societies is influenced by its consequences. If a behavior or practice will produce a benefit, then we are more likely to emit this behavior than if the consequences were neutral or negative.

It is with this premise that I present a new approach to establish gay marriage as an option throughout this country: we must give society a reason to not just want gay marriage, but to need it. The bottom line is that society will change with its circumstances - just look at the current recession. Would the Bush and Obama administrations have bailed out companies if there were no benefits (that may be real or perceived)? If there was not economic worry, these administrations would not have bailed out anybody. And if these bailouts do not work, then future administrations will be more likely to refuse the bailing-out of companies.

At the end of the day, those who are against gay marriage don't see any benefit for themselves. In fact, most don't even see the issue's consequences as neutral - they see them as negative and harmful. It is our job to illustrate to them the benefits that gay marriage will bring to them as individuals, as families, and as an American society. Now, I believe that there are indeed some benefits to legalizing gay marriage, but that is not the issue. Even if those benefits are only perceived by society, then they will be more accepting of gay marriage. Now, I'm not advocating that we lie to them or promote a false agenda; all I am saying is that we need to get them to become more comfortable in other ways, such as being more willing to even discuss the issue rather than ignore it or shut it down.

That is why "coming out" is (in my opinion) the most effective way to win sympathy for us as individuals and as a group, as well as the most effective way to win votes for gay marriage. In behavioral psychology terms, this is because their contingencies have changed. They no longer feel innocent for voting against gay marriage because now they know people on a personal level who will be directly affected by their votes. The process of "coming out" by one person sets the occasion for the listeners (a.k.a. friends and family) to emit a different behavior (vote for gay marriage), which will be followed by consequences (which may vary due to many factors).

This is supported (I believe) by further passages from the text:

"A common observation is that cultural practices in humans often remain unchanged over many generations, even when these customs make no sense. A practice may persist for many years because the members of the group who engage in it fail to contact a change in the metacontingencies. At the individual level, a person [obeys]... the taboo because the social contingencies arranged by the group [for disobeying the taboo] avert contact with the positive reinforcement contingency. Cultural practices also may persist when the metacontingencies are stable and the current practices are sufficient to meet the contingencies" (337-8).

In other words, if circumstances don't change, then people and society will never change. People stick to tradition (opposing gay marriage) because not doing so will produce negative consequences (administered by their families, friends, churches, etc...).

Calls for change challenge individuals to really consider what they need and what society needs. So it is not just our job to challenge on an individual level but on a societal level as well. We need to make the consequences for supporting gay marriage positive for the individual and for society. Only then will people be willing to accept us and realize that we have rights as divine creatures. After all, people will only do something if there is some benefit (short- or long-term) to themselves; if there is nothing of personal benefit for supporting gay marriage, then people will not support it. Support can be defined in any way the individual perceives; it can be intrinsically motivated ("I feel good when I value my fellow citizens with equality") or it can be extrinsically motivated ("It will encourage American acceptance abroad"). The point is that we must stress the positive consequences for individuals and societies who support gay marriage. Only then will we win our rightful cause.

End Title

Lately, I have found myself discovering new and inspiring instrumental music - most of it from film soundtracks and movie trailers.

So I have decided that I would like to share this with you all. They can all be found on iTunes. Some are better than others, and I will present them in order from best to worst (which is still great). Enjoy!

The best of these pieces is "Angels in America" from the 2003 HBO mini-series of the same name. It has some gay themes and stars Meryl Streep - need I say more? The entire score was composed by Thomas Newman, and I would recommend you listen to the entire soundtrack. This song is #9 on my iPod's Top 25 Most Played playlist. The following is the opening credits which feature the above-named song:



The next piece is called "Christmas/Sarajevo 12/24" by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. This song is a cover of "Carol of the Bells." While working at the E-Center doing security I was able to see them perform live twice in one day - and it is the best concert I have ever seen. They visit Utah annually ever fall season, and I would strongly recommend buying a ticket to see them perform. They play Christmas tunes using a full orchestra and electric guitars (the song starts at the 2:30 mark):



If you watch CBS' "Cold Case," you may be familiar with the next song. It is called "Nara" and is the TV show's theme song. It was composed and performed by a group called E.S. Posthumus. I first heard it at one of my high school Dance Company's two performances throughout the year and fell in love with it. Oddly enough, it reminds me of God and Jesus Christ preparing for the Second Coming. This song is #22 on my iPod's Top 25 Most Played playlist:



The next song is called "Revolutionary Road" from the movie of the same name. Again, it was composed by Thomas Newman. The movie is just okay, but it is definitely worth seeing at least once - Leonardo DiCaprio gives an absolutely amazing performance (and I usually don't like him). This song is #10 on my iPod's Top 25 Most Played playlist:



The next song was featured in a film and a movie trailer, the latter being where I first heard it. The film is "Requiem For a Dream" (haven't seen it but plan to) and the movie that featured the song in its trailer is "Sunshine" (a great sci-fi film). The song is called "Lux Aeterna" by Clint Mansell, and it literally means "light eternal." It is kinda creepy, but enjoyable none the less:



Have you seen "Changeling?" It is amazing! What a great film. If you haven't seen it, then it must be seen before you die. Clint Eastwood directed the movie, but few know that he composed its score as well (which he did for "Million Dollar Baby" too). The song is simply titled, "End Titles" and runs through - you guessed it - the movie's end titles. It is actually three songs in one, but the motif is similar throughout all three pieces. It is #21 on my iPod's Top 25 Most Played playlist:



This next song is featured in the trailer for "The Reader." It is called "Primavera" and was composed by Ludovico Einaudi. The film should have been more of a contender during the awards season this past year. The film's score, composed by up-and-comer Nico Muhly, is also great! Kate Winslet did deserve her Oscar, but Meryl Streep deserved it more for "Doubt" (which deserved the Best Picture award). Anyway, this piece is stirring and very emotional, and will definitely make an impact:



"The Hours" features the best soundtrack in several years - it is thoroughly and impeccably accomplished. If you have not seen the movie, I recommend it. Again, it has gay themes and features not only Meryl Streep but Julianne Moore and the cutest little boy that ever existed! The entire score was composed by Philip Glass. Here is the piece entitled, "Morning Passages:"



The final two pieces are from the films "Notes On a Scandal" and "Lucky Number Slevin," respectively. The former was, again, composed by Philip Glass and the latter was composed by J. Ralph. They both can be heard in the trailer for "Doubt."