The LDS Church, circa 1943

My only remaining grandparent (my dad's father) passed away on April 2nd this year, about thirteen months after his wife passed away. I now have no grandparents - and I feel cheated. My dad and his siblings have been sorting things out as far as who gets what, trying to clear my grandpa's house so that it can be sold.

Yesterday I noticed a pocket-sized book that looked pretty old, but in fairly good condition, sitting on one of the counters in our kitchen. It is about the size of a pocket-size LDS hymn book, with the title in black against a brown cover. I don't know why I glanced at it, but I did. (I suspect that it's because I have a mild interest in old editions of literature, such as my mom's nursing textbooks from the late 1970's/early 1980's.) Anyway, I flipped open the cover and in my grandma's distinctive cursive handwriting was written "Marlene Oliver." The title page indicated that it was published by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in 1943, and a preface was written and signed by The First Presidency at the time, which consisted of Heber J. Grant, J. Reuben Clark, and David O. McKay.

This book is simply titled "Principles of the Gospel."

It is topically-based, much like the "Mormon Doctrine" book, and obviously the first thing I looked for started with the letter "H" - homosexuality. But this topic was not present in the book. So I just flipped through the book, browsing until I came upon the subject heading "Church and State" on page 246.

I read all that was written under this subject heading, and I will present it here - with my added italics. (Copyright to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints):

"Church and State

The Church stands for the separation of Church and State. The Church has no civil political functions. As the Church may not assume the functions of the State, so the State may not assume the functions of the Church. The Church is responsible for and must carry on the work of the Lord, directing the conduct of its members, one towards the other, as followers of the lowly Christ, not forgetting the humble, the poor and the needy, and those in distress, leading them all to righteous living and a spiritual life that shall bring them to salvation, exaltation, and eternal progression in wisdom, knowledge, understanding, and power. ***

"The State is responsible for the civil control of its citizens or subjects, for their political welfare, and for the carrying forward of political policies, domestic and foreign, of the body politic. For these policies, their success or failure, the state is alone responsible, and it must carry their burdens. All these matters involve and directly affect Church members because they are part of the body politic, and members must give allegiance to their sovereign and render it loyal service when called thereto. But the Church, itself, as such, has no responsibility for these policies, as to which it has no means of doing more than urging its members fully to render that loyalty to their country and to free institutions which the loftiest patriotism calls for.

"Nevertheless, as a correlative of the principle of separation of the Church and the State, themselves, there is an obligation running from every citizen or subject to the State. This obligation is voiced in that Article of Faith which declares: 'We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.'

"For one hundred years, the Church has been guided by the following principles:

"We believe that governments were instituted of God for the benefit of man; and that he holds men accountable for their acts in relation to them, both making laws and administering them, for the good and safety of society.

"We believe that no government can exist in peace, except such laws are framed and held inviolate as will secure to each individual the free exercise of conscience, the right and control of property, and the protection of life.

"We believe that all governments necessarily require civil officers and magistrates to enforce the laws of the same; and that such as will administer the law in equity and justice should be sought for and upheld by the voice of the people if a republic, or the will of the sovereign.

"We believe that religion is instituted of God; and that men are amenable to him, and to him only, for the exercise of it, unless their religious opinions prompt them to infringe upon the rights and liberties of others; but we do not believe that human law has a right to interfere in prescribing rules of worship to bind the consciences of men, nor dictate forms for public or private devotion.

"We believe that all men are bound to sustain and uphold the respective governments in which they reside, while protected in their inherent and inalienable rights by the laws of such governments; and that sedition and rebellion are unbecoming every citizen thus protected, and should be punished accordingly; and that all governments have a right to enact such laws as in their own judgments are best calculated to secure the public interest; at the same time, however, holding sacred the freedom of conscience.

"We believe that every man should be honored in his station, rulers and magistrates as such, being placed for the protection of the innocent and the punishment of the guilty; and that to the laws all men owe respect and deference, as without them peace and harmony would be supplanted by anarchy and terror; human laws being instituted for the express purpose of regulating our interests as individuals and nations, between man and man; and divine laws given of heaven, prescribing rules on spiritual concerns, for faith and worship, both to be answered by man to his Maker. ***

"We believe *** that murder, treason, robbery, theft, and the breach of the general peace, in all respects, should be punished according to their criminality and their tendency to evil among men, by the laws of that government in which the offense is committed. (D & C 134:1-6, 8; Message of the First Presidency, April, 1942)"

This stunned me! I hope it stuns you, too! It stunned me because this is in stark contrast to what the Church now voices in regards to the separation of Church and State, as well as in regards to politics in general.

I actually agreed with the majority of what was written in this section. I still have questions and thoughts, but this pretty much sums up what I feel in my heart. If I had read this in 1943 and was not a member of the Church at the time, I probably would've joined! It just aligns so well with what I feel has been conveyed to me by the Holy Ghost.

So, the question is: what happened?! What changed?! Why is the Church now voicing different principles? I don't understand, and I probably never will... Sigh.

I am disappointed and confused by my childhood faith. But at the same time, I am just overjoyed that I was led to see this passage in this book! I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I was meant to see this passage at this time. It has given me some clarity, some confidence, and some ground to stand on. I am truly blessed and grateful!

What I Know For Sure

I haven't blogged in a while because I have felt fairly depressed, more so than I have felt in a long time. I don't think that there is any one reason; rather, I feel that it is a combination of stressors that have been mixed together and baked in the oven too long!

Last Sunday, I was talking with a friend about these feelings and my guesses as to what the "ingredients" were that baked this burnt pan of brownies. He urged me to write down the things about life and the Church that I still agree with, or that I still believe - especially on a personal level, rather than on an "organized" level of faith.

I made a promise to him that I would, and I am someone who likes to keep my promises. So that night at work (having worked the graveyard shift - all alone, I might add... SCARY!) I utilized that opportunity to write down my list. Here it is:

TENETS of MY FAITH:

--- God loves me unconditionally, AND He knows that I'm not perfect - and He's okay with that! So why shouldn't I be okay with that?

--- My personal relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is more important than any one church. I believe He knows that about me.

--- I know that Truth is found in every corner of this world - in its people, its places, its things. Truths can be found in most or all religions as well. There is Truth in the sun rising every single day without fail; there is Truth in a smile from a passerby, which brightens my day; there is Truth in the power of Love. I intend to find those Truths, wherever they may be.

--- Christ is, indeed, the Savior of the World and I owe it to Him to meet Him halfway.

--- Daily conversations with God are up to me, and He always picks up the phone to listen. Prayer is a pillar of my faith.

--- The Constitution is, indeed, a Divinely-inspired document and I consider it scripture.

--- At the end of the day, only Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know my life situation and my heart in its entirety.

Originally, the list above was my goal - to write about what I still believe in. However, my mind started to fill with ideas about THINGS THAT I'VE LEARNED:

--- The Spirit of the Law is more important than the Letter of the Law.

--- Church leaders, even Prophets (by definition, because they are still mortal men) are NOT infallible. They are human.

--- Personal revelation trumps Church doctrine and sometimes the Holy Ghost will communicate things to you that conflict with official Church teachings.

--- Forgiveness of others is more for the benefit of ourselves than it is for others. Heavenly Father does NOT want us to have poison stirring in our hearts.

--- The LDS Church is not what I thought it was; it is also a newspaper, a TV station, a business, and a PAC (Political Action Committee), among other things.

--- Missions are NOT essential for a male to receive Exaltation. (Really, I didn't know that. They do not teach you this.)

--- We are blessed according to obedience to specific laws rather than punished indirectly for an unrelated behavior. For example, I will not get bad grades just because I drank alcohol or viewed pornography; rather, if I study hard and meet Him halfway, despite having drunken alcohol or having viewed pornography, I will be blessed with a decent grade. Any "punishment" from the Lord will be directly related to my infractions.

--- Questioning authority is essential to living a balanced life - even if it turns out you were wrong.

--- Acceptance goes both ways - if we as a community want respect and acceptance from others, especially from the LDS Church and its members, then we need to respect and accept them as well.

--- Things are ultimately more complicated than they ever, ever seem. And, oftentimes, we don't even know the half of it - especially when it comes to spiritual issues.

And last, but not least...

--- Accepting yourself wholly, and unforgivingly, including your past and your weaknesses, is essential for happiness and inner peace.

I still had time on my lunch hour (2-3 a.m., as if that could ever be called "lunch"), so I browsed through an O magazine that was sitting on the table. Indeed, everything at that moment felt right; like I was in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing, as you will see...

I stumbled upon the following article, which I later found out is a regular column by Oprah Winfrey in every issue of her magazine. This issue's (September 2009) was especially pertinent (All copyright to O magazine, emphasis added):

"What I Know For Sure"

"I'm always fascinated by lists of 'Most Powerful People,' and by the ways they use external things - fame, status, wealth - to define and rank power. It's curious how a person can go from the top of a list one year to unlisted the next - all in the blink of a board meeting. Was that person's power real, or was the power only in the position? We often get the two confused.
"For me, there is no real power without spiritual power. A power that comes from the core of who you are and reflects all that you were meant to be. A power that's connected to the source of things. When you see this kind of power shining through someone in all its truth and certainty, it's irresistible, inspiring, elevating. I can feel it in myself sometimes, mostly when I'm sharing an insight that I know will have an impact on someone's life and I can see that they 'get it.' Gary Zukav writes in The Seat of the Soul, 'When we align our thoughts, emotions, and actions with the highest part of ourselves, we are filled with enthusiasm, purpose, and meaning... When the personality comes fully to serve the energy of its soul, that is authentic empowerment.' Fulfilling your purpose, with meaning, is what gives you that electrifying 'juice' and makes people stand in wonder at how you do it.
"The secret is alignment: when you know for sure that you're on course and doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing, fulfilling your soul's intention, your heart's desire, or whatever you choose to call it (they're all the same thing). When your life is on course with its purpose, you are your most powerful. And you may stumble, but you will not fall.
"I know for sure that in every challenging experience there's an opportunity to grow, enhance your life, or learn something invaluable about yourself. Every challenge can make you stronger if you allow it. Strength multiplied = power.
"For real.

"Oprah"

I could not believe what I had just read. It was exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the right time. In fact, this article reminds me of the experience I had the weekend before I came out of the closet.

Furthermore, I saw a chart in a different month's issue of O magazine, and it really struck a chord. I will try to recreate it as best I can (All copyright to O magazine):

FEAR/LOVE

- Always feels bad./Always feels good.
- Motivates grasping./Motivates liberation.
- Seizes control./Relaxes control.
- Insists on certainty./Accepts uncertainty.
- Needs everything./Needs nothing.

The part of this chart that really stood out to me was the couplet on "certainty." When we fear, it happens ahead of time. That is why we try to plan an "escape," an acceptable "alternative" or "response." We must be in control! But when we love, it happens in the moment. We do not fear what is going to happen next because we are enraptured in the moment, comfortable in our environment, and trust that things will work out...

Maybe that's what faith is: a loving trust. When we trust someone, we don't worry that things will fall through or get neglected because we can rely on that one person - and everyone has that one person. His name is Christ. His name knows no organized religion, for He is universal - that's why Truths can be found in every corner of this world. He does not speak through others as much as He speaks to our hearts to tell us that what we are hearing, or seeing, or feeling is true. Aligning ourselves with Christ and accepting His will for our individual selves, whatever it may be, will help us find our purpose and enrich our life experience. Because His name knows no specific religion, we should not feel ashamed; accepting ourselves as gay does not mandate an abandonment of Christ - he would NEVER abandon us. He is universal! I know He accepts me and loves me for what I am - one of His children who happens to be gay. And I am not ashamed.

This I know for sure.