Barack Obama has been elected to be the 44th President of the United States. Wow! I woke up today and felt so happy that America got it right. The fact that he happened to be African-American was just a plus; he exemplifies common sense, something that George W. Bush can't even say! I will explain why I voted for him.
FACT: The number one reason why Barack Obama got my vote was because of his proposed tax policies. Now, I also happen to know that this is one of the top reasons why some people voted against him, but that's because they didn't fully understand his policies. Every individual making more than $250,000 annually will see a tax increase; every individual making less than $250,000 will see his or her taxes at or below George W. Bush era levels.
ANALYSIS: For the past eight years, we have seen the biggest tax cuts in decades go to Fortune 500 companies (which includes some oil companies), their respective CEOs, and the top one percent of wealthy Americans. These companies are pulling in record profits; Chevron just reported its biggest quarterly earnings in its 129-year history last week, and we are in a recession!
John McCain mentioned in the last debate that America has one of the highest corporate tax rates in the world. However, a study by the United States Congress released a few months ago reported that two-thirds of all American companies do not pay taxes due to loopholes in the system.
Barack Obama was criticized for saying he wanted to "spread the wealth." In my opinion, he should have said that he wanted to "bring back some balance." The middle class has been ignored for the past eight years; it's our turn now! The majority of McCain supporters I've talked to say that they would never vote for Barack Obama because he will "raise our taxes." My question to them is this: "Do you make over $250,000 annually?"
I rest my case.
FACT: Barack Obama favors universal healthcare; Republicans call this "Socialism." John McCain's solution to the problem is to give uninsured families a $5,000 tax credit to pay for market-based insurance. Also, members of the United States Congress get taxpayer-funded healthcare through the Federal Employees Health Benefits Program (FEHBP).
ANALYSIS: According to the National Coalition on Health Care, the average cost for annual health insurance for a family of four in 2007 was $12,100. Sorry, John McCain, but your plan isn't going to cut it!
However, I don't think that Barack Obama's solution should be the first approach...
While taking classes for my Surgical Technology major, I and my classmates learned that in America there are no price caps for medical supplies, including medications; this is why any hospital in America can, and does, charge patients $5 for one pill of Tylenol. It is not uncommon for medical supply companies to impose mark-ups of 1,000 percent on products. And I know this to be true because I've had experience with it during my clinical rotation as a Surgical Tech...
As a Surgical Technologist, it is my responsibility to open sterile supplies for every procedure onto a sterile back table. Here's the catch: some of these supplies may never be used! Because they were opened, however, hospital policy requires the O.R. Nurse to charge the patient for them. That is why it is important for me to know the procedure like the back of my hand, so that I can implement some cost-effectiveness when I open sterile supplies. Another example of unethical charging by hospitals are policies that require the O.R. Nurses to charge the patient for a 50-mL bottle of "local" when only 5-10 mLs were drawn up and used; and because the bottles are multi-use, policies like these allow hospitals to charge five different patients for five bottles of "local" when a total of just one 50-mL bottle of "local" was ever actually used.
Thus, my position on solving the health care crisis is more regulation of these companies through the implementation of price caps. If the cost of healthcare is driven down, it will become more affordable to all.
However, I had to choose the lesser of two evils and I do believe that universal health care is a better solution than a $5,000 tax credit.
The bottom line is that if members of Congress have taxpayer-funded healthcare, and if prisoners in Guantanamo Bay have taxpayer-funded healthcare, then every legal citizen of the United States of America is entitled to taxpayer-funded healthcare. Period.
Don't get me wrong, however. Barack Obama is not perfect; I don't agree with him on everything. For example, I don't support his "pro-choice" position on abortion. And while I support "green" technology, it is often expensive; it should not be a top priority right now, especially when we are in a recession. And I didn't support his vote (and McCain's) for the recent bailout of the banking industry.
The following is a journal entry of mine from January 27th, 2008:
"...The second most recent thing was my 18th birthday on Wednesday, January 23rd. It's supposed to be one of those big, special birthdays but it didn't feel like one. It was just another day. I won't feel the power from it until this November, when I will be able to vote for U.S. President. I've been watching both the Democratic and Republican debates and am pretty pleased with the Democratic candidates. The only Republican candidate I like is Romney. I like him because he is so business savvy and optimistic. His whole record has been turning things around. He did that with the 2002 Winter Olympics here in Salt Lake. If he wins the nomination, I will vote for him. If he doesn't, I will vote for whoever the Democratic nominee is, whether it be Obama or Clinton. Obama is so full of optimism and is truly inspiring. I've heard older Americans talk about him as the next JFK. The only time he is negative is when he responds (and rightly so) to Clinton's attacks. A Romney v. Obama ballot would be so hard for me to handle..."
However, I feel like he understands the plight of the average American trying to make ends meet in 2008. And that is why I voted for Barack Obama.
I have high expectations for the upcoming week. I just hope that at least one of these expectations is met; maybe next week won't be a total failure. I am cautiously optimistic.
As everybody already knows, the 2008 Presidential Election is just over two days away and the stakes couldn't be higher. To me, the choice for United States President is crystal clear; some of you already know whom I voted for (yes, I voted early), and some of you don't; I will formally post who I voted for and why on Monday.
I also have high expectations for Tuesday night, when I will meet with my therapist for the first time in months. Some recent events in my life have forced me to seek outside help. I will not disclose most of these events here because they are either too personal or involve confidentiality with another person or both. However, I am also meeting with her because I need some help in organizing my thoughts and feelings before I head off to Logan in almost exactly two months. I am both scared and excited to move, and I really need some help.
I have high expectations of myself; I got one bad evaluation last week at PCMC and I need to be a superstar this next week. The evaluation was filled out by one of my preceptors, so it wasn't really official. But I have hope that it will not put a stain on my name because in talking with my Nurse Educator, Sean, he thought that she had been too hard on me because of the difficulty of the cases that day and due to the fact that three other people who had precepted me had filled out evaluations that had directly contradicted what this preceptor had said about me. I'm just crossing my fingers.
There's more that I'm anticipating and that I have high expectations for, but for now I am choosing to not disclose this information. All I can say is that my depression and anxiety are creeping back again; they've been dormant for the past few months and I am dreading their return!
I ask humbly to be remembered in your prayers. Thank you.
Last night, I came closer to dying than I ever have before. And it was totally awesome!
I joined my friends Jason and Dallin in going to Asylum 49 in Tooele. Due to some bad directions (no thanks to MapQuest!) we ended up going to Castle of Chaos instead, but the biggest and best scare of my life came while driving on Bacchus Highway while in the process of heading back to New Bingham Highway.
It was about 8:00 p.m. and I was squinting to see the turn lane up ahead to my left. Unbeknownst to me, there was a buck standing in the middle of the road about 100 yards ahead! Well Jason and Dallin saw it but didn't say anything because it was still far enough away and they thought I would go around it. Well 100 yards became 75, and then 50, and at about 100 feet Dallin screamed, "DUDE! What the Hell?!" I swerved to miss the buck and its antlers missed my car by about only five feet! Jason, who was sitting in the middle back seat, was practically laying across mine and Dallin's laps at this point. All of our hearts were beating so fast that you'd thought we had just run a marathon together by listening to us breathe. We all just busted out laughing and decided it was the coolest thing that had ever happened to us. Dallin made the comment that we might as well not go to a haunted house anymore because after this anything would be a letdown. I then joked that, "Oh no it wouldn't. This was just some horror fore.play!" So what was the first thing I did after all of this happened? Well of course I pulled out my cell phone and texted about thirty people that I had almost died and killed my two best friends in the process! It reminded me of I Know What You Did Last Summer when the teenagers hit that fisherman on an isolated road at night. It was pure adrenaline.
However, I know that my Heavenly Father was protecting us in that moment; He sent some guardian angels to protect us from harm. Honestly, my reflex was so fast that it was more than human. It literally reminds me of the Carrie Underwood song, "Jesus, Take the Wheel." I fully recognize His intervention in this situation, and am so grateful that He continues to bless my life knowing that I am so far from perfect it's not even funny. I have renewed my efforts in prayer and continue to try to do the best that I can; after all, isn't that all He asks of each one of us?
As for tonight, Jason, Dallin, and I are going to stay up all night and watch scary movies: House of Wax, The Omen, The Strangers, and Mortuary. The night's gone great so far; we got three free chicken sandwiches from the new Chik-Fil-A in Jordan Landing! And Alyx might come over tonight. Either way, it'll be a great night and I'm sure there'll be moments we'll all remember. After all, Jason is leaving for his mission in January; it's going to be incredibly hard for me because we've been best friends since sixth or seventh grade. But this Halloween has already been one I'll always remember.
This past Friday was one of the best days I have ever had in my entire life. I know that sounds cliche, but it's true...
After class on Friday, Neena, Mari, Chase, Alyx, Scott, Zach, and I hung out all day long. We blasted the radio and drove to Salt Lake City. Mari stopped by her work, I turned in my papers and got my badge at PCMC, and then we headed back to Fort Union to see Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. It was the most pointless movie I have ever seen, but that didn't matter to me (even though I am a film buff); I had so much fun with them. I felt so close to them and I feel like we just "get" each other. Politically, we disagree; some of us support McCain and some of us support Obama, but that doesn't matter. We're okay with each other, and diffuse arguments by saying, "Oh that's just (insert name here)." And Neena is a freakin' absolute riot! She will say the funniest things without even blinking an eye. For example, the topic of swearing came up and Neena tried to get Scott to say the f-word. He flat-out refused. She then tried to get him to say the s-word. He flat-out refused again. She decided on a different approach: "Simon says, 'Shit.'" We all busted a gut; it was such a "Neena" thing to say. And then someone brought up a good point: "Wouldn't it be, 'Simon says say 'Shit''? Because 'Simon says, 'Shit'' literally means to take one!" Oh Neena, I love you so much I can't stand it!
After the movie, we chilled for awhile and then drove down Walker Lane. For those of you who don't know, Walker Lane is home to the richest people in Utah (who don't live in Park City). I believe that former Utah Jazz player John Stockton used to live on Walker Lane. Anyway, these homes are far back from the street, hidden by dense trees and high walls, by private lanes with gates. Scott told us about a house on Walker Lane that was supposedly abandoned, so we parked the car and snuck behind the gate to see if it was still empty; we trespassed and were exploring! When we got our first glimpse of the mansion (it looked like plantation house) Neena commented that this was Utah Jazz owner Larry H. Miller's former house. The pool was empty, but the house had furniture in it. We stayed low in the bushes so that no one inside the house could see us, but through the window we saw someone move and we totally booked it out of there! While running, we heard a car starting up and I thought we were going to get caught and arrested. But we weren't. Take that rich people!
We headed up to Salt Lake City again because Mari forgot to do something at work. And by then we were all starving so we ate at the Red Butte Cafe (which is delicious, but overpriced). We had talked earlier about having a "movie night," so we drove back to Fort Union to the Redbox at Wal-Mart and their selection sucked so we drove down the street to Blockbuster. We wanted to rent a movie from the "8 Films" Horrorfest series, but an employee recommended Wolf Creek as the best scary movie they had, so we rented it instead. Back at Neena's house (which she has all to herself for four months because her parents are divorced and her dad is in Iran for business) we chilled on the couch and flipped on the movie. It stank. But, again, it didn't matter. I hadn't hung out with my classmates since June when we graduated high school; this day more than made up for it.
And to boot, I had the opportunity last night to go to a free play with some MoHo buddies at Westminster College entitled Hands of Sodom. It is about Jane, a Mormon teenager who "comes out" to her family twice; the first act shows all the horrible mistakes the characters made with tragic results, and the second act shows how the situation could've been turned into a positive thing for her family. It is kind of reminiscent of the movie Sliding Doors, where one simple thing such as a sliding door can mean life or . Well, I was surprised when I got to the box office booth because right there at the table was sitting Ms. Jenni-Lou Oakes, a former communications teacher of mine. It turns out that she had directed the play. There were no seats left, but she so generously let us stand in the back to watch the first act and, during intermission, she placed three additional seats for us.
Now, for my critique. I enjoyed it; I mean, it's not everyday that you get to see a play about gaay Mormons (especially in Utah). It was fairly good for being put together in just five weeks, but I thought it could've been better. Some of the acting was over-the-top (Jane's brother, for example), and the depiction of a typical Mormon family was missing; the average Mormon family does not have closet-drunks, nor does it take the name of the Lord in vain or use the f-word. I felt that that authenticity wasn't there. However, it was still a good attempt to open people's eyes to the fact that some Mormons are gaay and that they are trying to handle this conflict with their faith in the best way possible. I admire Jenni-Lou for being willing to stand up for something she believes in, especially in a state that isn't known for its political or culltural diversity.
I am currently enjoying a long weekend thanks to SLCC's Fall Break. I didn't go in to work today, and I don't have school tomorrow morning. This is very welcome, as next week will be my last at the University of Utah Hospital and I will immediately jump into my next facility the following week.
For some background knowledge, my instructor has clinical spots lined up from Ogden to American Fork. For those of you who don't live in Utah, Ogden is about 1.5 hours north of Salt Lake City, while American Fork is about 30-45 minutes (depending on traffic) south of Salt Lake City. So the range of possible facilities for him to send me and others to is pretty diverse; it includes both hospitals and outpatient surgical centers. And, according to him, he always sends his best student to Primary Children's Medical Center (PCMC). This hospital is nationally ranked and treats only pediatric patients. He only has one clinical spot there for the next rotation.
Well, this past Wednesday he called me (on my cell phone - how cool is that!?) and asked me if I would feel comfortable at PCMC; he does this only for this facility because he knows that not everyone is comfortable working with children. I told him that I am all for it; it is an Intermountain Healthcare (IHC) facility after all. (I need to get hired with IHC to be able to transfer up to Logan Regional Hospital while I am going to school at Utah State University.) Also, I don't mind working with children at all. While I am not sure yet, because I have never worked with them, I suspect that I may actually prefer to work with children. I get this from my mom; she is a Registered Nurse and has worked with children all her life. In fact, she did a clinical rotation at PCMC while she was in nursing school and was hired there after she graduated.
I regret not sounding excited enough about this opportunity on the phone with my instructor; I tend to communicate more mechanically than emotionally.That's just part of my personality and, while I certainly try to balance things out, it will probably always be that way.
However, I feel so grateful for this opportunity. The fact that he and his assistant instructor (who is freakin' awesome as well) feel like they can trust me enough to send me there is an amazing feeling!
To have my instructors' faith and backing gives me a much-needed confidence booster. I, like everyone, second-guess my skills and abilities at times. And because of the nature of the University Hospital, I haven't gotten alot of feedback on my progress. The reason my instructor sent me there was because it is a clinical site where students are expected to police themselves and act independently. For example, most facilities assign their students specific rooms for the day; the University Hospital expects its students to assign themselves to rooms. In fact, I was once scolded by my nurse educator for waiting for her to assign me! I wasn't able to gauge where my skills were at until the assistant instructor communicated some information to me at one of her random weekly clinical site visits. She communicated to me that my nurse educator told her the following: "Drew is doing great, and here's how I know: No news is good news, and I've heard good news about Drew." Now, I know that that quote probably doesn't make sense at first, but I'll explain. My preceptors (Surgical Technologists whom I train with side-by-side during cases) are free to communicate absolutely anything about students (whether negative or positive) to my nurse educator. The reasoning is this: if they have something negative to report to her, they report it. But if they have something positive to report, they either say nothing or they report it. And if they elect to say nothing, it is either because my performance was just average or because they are lazy. My nurse educator assumes that if nothing is reported to her then she has doesn't have to worry about me because there are no major complaints. However, she has heard "good news about [me]." This means that I have impressed my preceptors enough that they were compelled to communicate about my progress to my nurse educator. Up until the assistant instructor communicated this to me about two weeks ago I had nothing on which to base my progress.
I feel like the past seventeen months have been worth it and that all my hard work is finally coming to fruition. All I have done is put forth my best effort, and I am glad that that best effort is good enough for my instructors, for my facilities, and for me. However, by no means am I perfect. I haven't always completed my homework 100%; I haven't always stayed awake in class; I haven't always made it to the University Hospital every day that was expected of me. However, I feel like I have put forth the best effort I could, especially given the issues and situations I've faced the past seventeen months: I was seeing a therapist at LDS Family Services nearly the whole time; my family took in a foster child just three months into my schooling and we are officially adopting her in mid-October; I have had to go through the repentance process (more than once); and I have "come out" to several people during this time period...
And I know that I couldn't have done all of this had Heavenly Father not strengthened and sustained me and my efforts. I owe it all to Him. He has blessed me even though I have made major blunders in the past seventeen months. He stuck by my side and knew that, at times, all I had to hold on to in this life was the completion of the Surgical Technology program. Yes, I have had suicidal thoughts in the past seventeen months, although those feelings have come and gone. There was one time this past spring when I came extremely close to following through on those thoughts, but I didn't because I at least wanted to see myself through the program; it has been a Saving Grace for me. It was the one consistent thing in my life besides therapy. Looking back, I suspect that I subconciously knew that, and that's probably why I've put more effort into this than into anything else in my life. All I can say is that I'm going to have an extremely difficult time when it all comes to an end in early December, even though I will stay involved through being on the program's Advisory Committee.
I'm so grateful that I was accepted into this program. The competition was and is apparently tough, something I didn't really grasp until after I was accepted and my instructor was reviewing test scores and applications for the next group of students. It is truly something that I was meant to do. And Heavenly Father knew that. He has guided me, directed me, and enabled me to get to this point. I feel blessed and loved by Him. But most important of all, I feel that He cares about me and my life, and it feels overwhelmingly sweet to be able to call Him my ally.
I have been reminded through recent experiences that life is full of disappointments. It seems as if the past few days have literally come from Hell. You know how it is - someone or something disappoints you and it starts the Domino Effect; it all happens at once.
Within the past few days, three close family members have made negative comments about gaays; two of them know that I am gaay. First, one of them told me that gaays just, "...need to get over it." Second, one of them recently had his best friend "come out" to him; he no longer wishes to be his friend. And last, one of them called me a, "...fag!" directly. He later apologized, and I accept his apology, but it's still hard to ignore because all these statements came at me within a 24-hour period.
This has been on my mind the past few days because, prior to these comments, I was thinking about "coming out" to my extended family soon, but can't out of respect for certain family members who aren't ready to accompany me on that journey yet. Two of the comments above were made by extended family members. But I still have hope, given the response I received when they found out that I had decided to not serve a mission.
My philosophy on "coming out" is a little different from most others'. Usually, I will only tell someone that I'm gaay if he or she asks me about my orientation directly; I will not go out proactively informing others of my orientation. This general rule, however, would need to be broken if I am to "come out" in regards to my not serving a mission, as I would be sharing the information willingly without being asked specifically about it...
You see, I want to be honest when I get the, "Why not serve?" question from people; I think that this is a perfect opportunity to "come out" to extended family and friends in the neighborhood and ward. I'm constantly stressing about not going on a mission because my birthday is in January and people are starting to bring it up in conversation; they assume that I'm going. It is very uncomfortable to have to tell them that I'm not serving because I know what the first thing popping into their minds is: that I slept with a woman . It is incredibly irritating - they assume the worst, and it isn't even remotely close; yes, REALLY, I slept with a woman . Please, save it for the next guy.
So, why exactly do I want to come out? Another MoHo recently asked me this, and it got me thinking...
Reason #1: Not Hiding Anymore
I know that I'm not the only one who feels this way. I have to hide certain behaviors or interests around people that don't know I'm gaay. I don't like censoring myself like this. I desire to be my true self.
Reason #2: Changing People's Attitudes
Most people would not even suspect that I'm "one of them." Some of my peers definitely would suspect it, while others would simply say, upon finding out, "Oh, okay. Whatever." However, most people in my neighborhood and ward would be completely surprised, as would my Surgical Technologist instructors. I feel that "coming out" to people in my neighborhood and ward would be a good teaching and learning opportunity. I can only hope that people's attitudes are expanded upon knowing that they have interacted with a gaay man for the past few years; that they will learn that there is nothing to fear.
Reason #3: Fulfilling and Validating Myself to the World
I AM important. I matter in this world. And this world is shared by us all, so I'm going to make the most of it. I WILL NOT be ashamed of who I am, for I have every right to be who I am. I WILL reach my full potential, and I can only do that if I am not only completely honest with myself, but with the world as well.
I won't be coming out the way I want to because of the family members who, as I mentioned, are not ready to accompany me on this journey. I will be "coming out," however, once I start school in January... it'll be a fresh start, and I don't want it to pass by.
Sometimes I think that that's all life is... a waiting game.
I heard the song, "Answer," by Sarah McLachlan today and it seems to have struck a chord. I am a great fan of hers, and her songs are so touching and always have an emotional impact on me. Here are a the lyrics and a video:
I will be the answer At the end of the line I will be there for you While you take the time In the burning of uncertainty I will be your solid ground I will hold the balance If you can't look down
If it takes my whole life I won't break, I won't bend It will all be worth it Worth it in the end 'Cause I can only tell you what I know That I need you in my life When the stars have all gone out You'll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently Into morning For the night has been unkind Take me to a place so holy That I can wash this from my mind The memory of choosing not to fight
If it takes my whole life I won't break, I won't bend It will all be worth it Worth it in the end 'Cause I can only tell you what I know That I need you in my life When the stars have all burned out You'll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently Into morning For the night has been unkind
Earlier this evening, I had the opportunity to attend an event at my former high school called, "Rachel's Challenge," and what a blessing it was!
Rachel Scott was the first student killed on April 20, 1999 at Columbine High School. Throughout her life, Rachel thought to herself and told others that she knew she was going to die early by homicide. This made her feel close to Anne Frank, whom she viewed as a hero (ironically, she was killed on Adolf's birthday). She filled her life with positive things and continued to be a friend to everyone.
At this presentation, several of her writings were shown, including an essay, journal entries, and doodles on her notebook. After her funeral was televised on CNN (its most watched event ever - at least at the time), a man from across the country called her father and told him about a dream he had been having for awhile. In this dream, the man saw a weeping woman, her tears falling to the ground. When her tears touched the ground, a glorious Columbine flower (Colorado's state flower) shot up. Rachel's father thought the man was crazy until he found her sixth diary (which was in her backpack when she was shot and had been held in police evidence for weeks). Although every entry of her's had been in writing, her (very last) entry on April 20, 1999 was a picture: two eyes in the top left corner and tears falling to the ground, a glorious Columbine flower shooting up. Rachel's father was stunned and lost his breath. Upon further examination, he discovered that there were thirteen empty tear drops located above the flower; at and below the top of the flower the tears were filled in to resemble bloood. Thirteen people were killed at Columbine High School that day.
After her funeral, her father started an organization calledRachel's Challenge. This organization is based on five challenges Rachel described in her diary.
Rachel always knew that she was destined for greatness. In her earlier years, she pulled back her dresser in her bedroom, traced her hands on it, and wrote the following message to the world: "These hands belong to Rachel Joy Scott and will someday touch millions of people's hearts." She has touched mine.
Furthermore, she had always said when she was younger that she would someday be a famous actress. That is about to come to fruition; her father has signed a deal with a Hollywood studio to bring her story to life. This movie will further her message and truly change the world!
To close, I will share my favorite quote of her's that was found doodled on one of her notebooks:
"I WILL NOT BE LABELED AS AVERAGE!"
What a great example for us to follow. If you do nothing else, dare to dream. Just like Rachel did.
I sincerely hope that this is not off-putting to any of you, but this is my time to brag! You see, I was recently featured in my city's newspaper, the West Jordan Journal, and I wanted my readers to at least have a link to the article. It conveniently serves as an introduction to my time at the National HOSA (Health Occupations Students of America) Convention that was held recently in Dallas, Texas. It is fairly short and covers some of the things I've already written about on my blog, but it's worth a look - but of course I would say that!
On Sunday night, I learned that my cousin Natalie is engaged to her Navy boyfriend Nathan. This is shocking news for several reasons. First, she is only one month older than me, which means that she is only eighteen years old at the moment. Second, her sister just barely got married in July of this year. Third, as far as I know, Natalie has met her fiance only a few times in person; he has been stationed in Florida for the past several months. They communicated by text message until he came home to Utah recently for a few weeks - and now she's got The Rock. And last, she and Nathan are moving to Washington State after they get married.
Now here's the good news: they are getting married on January 24th, 2009 - the day after my nineteenth birthday! You may be wondering why that's news at all, not to mention good news. It is good news because I have decided to not serve a mission; I may serve later, but I will not be serving from age nineteen to twenty-one. Therefore, her marriage will be a distraction for my relatives, and I may not receive as much (negative) attention for not serving! When I heard this, I breathed a sweet sigh of relief.
But it gets even better. My mother and her sisters went to "Swiss Days" (a craft fair of sorts) this weekend, and this is where the news of Natalie's impending wedding was divulged. Other family topics were discussed as well - including me and a possible mission. My mother said to her sisters, "Actually, Drew doesn't really want to go on a mission. In fact, he has decided to not go." All I can say is that I never would've had the courage to admit that to my relatives until the time came that it was already obvious that I wouldn't be serving. It's something that I stress and think about alot, and I especially worry about telling friends and neighbors in my ward. Judgment, it sometimes seems, is inevitable. Anyway, the reaction? My aunts responded positively; not positively as in they don't want me to serve, but as in they support my right to make my own decision. "I wish for him to go, but I don't think that any young man should be serving if he doesn't have his whole heart in it; I don't want to force him, because that's not a good situation," was my mother's follow-up statement. According to my mom, her sisters concurred. Obviously, this is great news because now that my relatives (at least my aunts, who will predictably inform their families) know that I won't be serving they most likely won't bother or badger me about the 'Why?" question. I'm frustrated that I'm not able to divulge certain information now, but I have full confidence that all will be revealed (and work out) in the end.
